I will never regret being a mum. It’s the most rewarding and incredible thing that has ever happened in my life. I am so proud of my little boy, and who he is rapidly becoming. Watching him grow in front of my eyes makes my heart grow so big, he’s my absolute world and I wouldn’t trade him for anything in the entire universe. However, sometimes this gig can be really lonely and isolating. Being a mum can definitely be mentally and physically exhausting, and when you have lost most of the friends in your life from starting this new chapter, it can be even harder.
Back when I had several close friends in my town, I assumed they would still be around now. Especially because I now have a happy, full of beans little toddler they can come over and play with. Sadly, I slowly watched them disappear. Any suggestions of a coffee date would not even turn into a plan, my mumma schedule never would work for anybody, I kept hearing excuse after excuse so therefore I found myself on my own.
When becoming a mum I quickly realised that we are the ones that some people inconsiderately don’t care to accommodate for time and time again as they assume their schedules are more important. After all, we just stay at home and look after kids right? Our availability to catch up should be pretty flexible… right?
Some people seemed to find it hard to understand if I couldn’t hang out on their terms or when they would want to. I hated saying no a lot of the time because I just felt like I was being the inconvenient one, when in actual fact I didn’t deserve to be judged if I couldn’t say yes, or owe anybody an apology for being a mum.
I guess they just found it too much of a hassle to keep in contact now I have a child. This made me doubt myself as a person. Was I not a good enough friend to begin with? Had I done something wrong? It was hard to come to terms with.
Now I didn’t lose all of them thankfully and I am grateful for the small amount who have stuck by me from the start. It is just unfortunate the ones who I still keep in regular contact with all live far away.
So eventually I decided it would be best to move on from friendships that seemed to of evaporated because honestly, I was getting my hopes up just to be let down. I began to make the best out of my life in the now by spending time with my little family as much as possible. After all, my best friend has always been Nick, who is the world’s best dad! He would do anything for us. He also knows what it feels like to lose friends after becoming a first time parent because what a surprise, it happened to him too. We put some family goals and plans into place, and began to look forward to a better and brighter future as a family of three.
Now I’m not going to lie, as much as I adore Nick and love spending time with him, he isn’t one of my girlfriends, so it’s not exactly the same. Therefore there is going to be moments where I just really miss having that female interaction that I once shared with old faces. What I craved so badly was for a friendship or friendships that would understand the ups and downs of mum life. They didn’t have to be a parent, just have a clear understanding of how tough it can be.
So I started joining online mummy groups, following other mums on Instagram, and meeting new mums through a fashion label Felix is a brand rep for. I’ve reached out to fellow mummy vloggers as I converted my Youtube channel to a family vlogging channel last year. I also became close with an old work friend who found herself in a similar situation as me since having her little one. Basically, I just put myself out there in the mummy community as much as I could in the hope of meeting some possible mummy friends or at the least, have some pleasant and mature conversations with people who actually GET IT.
Since then, I met some pretty amazing mummas who I started developing friendships with. Soon enough I began to not feel so lonely anymore. I would instead have a more positive outlook on things, instead of feeling sorry for myself. It’s been so refreshing to talk to, and get to know other mummas because most of them understand what I’ve been going through as they have gone through it themselves. Even though most of these friendships evolved online, it doesn’t change the bond we all have with each other. Let’s be real here, once you become a mum your priorities become your children, and what better people to surround yourself with than other mums. We can literally chat anything without the fear of being judged. We also have plenty of things in common, and are there for each other sometimes 24 hours a day! (Because what is sleep, right mummas?)
So basically my advice is that if you find yourself lonely during this parenthood journey, please don’t blame yourself! Just remember it’s not your fault, and if anyone can’t understand how important becoming a parent is, then they were never a good friend to begin with, let alone hold onto. There are many other wonderful ladies out there willing to get to know you if you just reach out in the right communities. The hard part is learning to understand the changes parenthood brings when it comes to friendships, learning to let some of them go and move on. I get it, it can be hard for a long time, but trust me it gets better! Don’t ever forget your self worth because far out mumma, you brought a human into this world! That’s such a phenomenal thing to achieve and you deserve nothing but happiness and positive friendships with the right people.
Finally, use this time to bond with your family! Do more together, make some goals, create something you can look forward to! Don’t forget to have some quality ‘me’ time as well – it’s important for the mind and soul. Book a mani-pedi, treat yourself to a new book, have a couple glasses of wine on the couch when bub goes to bed… whatever makes you feel good and relaxed! Once you move on from one sided friendships and start living life again, you’ll get that confidence and smile back in no time.
Before I end this post I also just want to add that while some friendships may come to an end whether it be on your terms or not, you don’t need to feel negative towards it. Appreciate the good times you once shared. Memories don’t have to be forgotten just because life moves on. Remember that once upon a time some of these people were a big part of your world, some which may of helped shape the person you are today. So while it’s totally fine to feel sad and even disappointed with how things may work out in the end, I also believe it’s important to value the friendships you once had with a positive attitude and warm heart.
That’s all for today honeys! I hope you found this post helpful, and please remember that you are worthy of SO much! There are many wonderful people out there who will just love you, so go out and find them!
Love, A x